States of being

Currently I have a song going round and round in my head. It happens to be a song by Chris Wood called Bleary Winter. I think I had the CD on in the car two days ago. Why is it resounding in me now (it’s early morning)?  I don’t know. Why this song, what state of my brain led up to its being fed to me in this annoying manner at this precise time- these questions are not worth asking. 

The earworm- the persistent tune -  is just an instance of a more pervasive phenomenon: the obcure train of thought. With me it is more often than not tunes, but it has been other diversions. When we direct the eye within it can be depressing what mundane banalities are being played out in our consciousnesses.

But there is something odd here. Oftentimes we don’t really know what is being hashed and rehashed in our mindscape until we consciously direct our view within. Does this mean our consciousness is often unconscious? I think it does- we are often unconscious of what goes on in our so-called conscious mind.

Is this a paradox- no not really, just a problem with terminology? We are most often unconscious- although we call the state consciousness to avoid all the disturbing questions it throws up. We live our lives in pervasive unconsciousness. When we catch ourselves doing it we retro-fit an insinuation of consciousness as a veneer over our unconsciousness which acts like a prophylactic salve sparing us the existential angst we would otherwise feel.

For various reasons I don’t believe in freewill. I think conscious control over our inner states and our actions is an illusion. Partly as a result of this I think selfhood, identity as individual consciousnesses is a problem too, or, rather, not a problem.  There are plenty of paradoxes involved in this to explore, but not here.